A New Number

January comes in and by default almost everyone is looking at a new number: new age, new year, new goals (savings, weight, cholesterol levels? ) and I am not any different.
I turned forty last month and that number really scares me, more than when I turned thirty. Forty spells old for me. No matter what others say; as age is just a number, forty just doesn't sit right with me.
I work with adult people with physical disabilities and most of my patients are getting younger and younger. I sometimes look at their history and their age is but a few years from mine. These patients are seriously ill: strokes, tumors, and cancers...
Lately, I have been seriously thinking of my health. Before I thought that I am in great shape, now I cannot admit to the same. The day I turned forty, I woke up with a pain on my knee. Ouch! I have to schedule another annual health check up with my primary MD. I am scared at what he will tell me if he sees my lab results. I have not kept my promise to lower my cholesterol levels. Last year I made a promise to myself that I will get fit in time for my fortieth birthday... It came and went and the promise was broken. I did not do anything to fulfill it. Now that January is here, I am compelled to re-evaluate my life and tweak it. I really need to get myself in shape,financially and physically. I will be in my sixties by the time Xavier hits his twenties. I don't want to be a burden to my (only) child.
Just now I changed my 401K elections to 12%. Yikes! but I have to bite the bullet. I am so scared that I will not have enough to retire on when that time comes... Retirement??? That's another thing. At the rate I am going I don't know if I can afford to retire. sigh.